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bemisnorris
Cole
Joined: 16 Oct 2002
Posts: 2080
Location: Not Here
  
Votes: 1
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 Posted: 05 Jan 2004 12:29 PM Post subject: About Toilets |
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| Why don't they make office toilets out of a less echous material? |
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elchrist
See-thru Afro
Joined: 09 Oct 2002
Posts: 7463
Location: Calecia.com
Votes: 14
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| Posted: 05 Jan 2004 12:59 PM Post subject: Re: About Toilets |
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| bemisnorris wrote: | | Why don't they make office toilets out of a less echous material? |
You crap at work? That's disgusting. |
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mof
Boot Camp
Joined: 08 Dec 2003
Posts: 310
Location: San Francisco, CA
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| Posted: 05 Jan 2004 02:03 PM Post subject: Re: About Toilets |
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| elchrist wrote: | | bemisnorris wrote: | | Why don't they make office toilets out of a less echous material? |
You crap at work? That's disgusting. |
The worst is when guys actually take a fucking newspaper or magazine in with them to the bathroom. Nasty.  |
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elchrist
See-thru Afro
Joined: 09 Oct 2002
Posts: 7463
Location: Calecia.com
Votes: 14
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| Posted: 05 Jan 2004 02:17 PM Post subject: Re: About Toilets |
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| mof wrote: | | elchrist wrote: | | bemisnorris wrote: | | Why don't they make office toilets out of a less echous material? |
You crap at work? That's disgusting. |
The worst is when guys actually take a fucking newspaper or magazine in with them to the bathroom. Nasty. |
What's wrong with your magazines being covered with feces particles that were once airborne? |
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Americano
Coffee
Joined: 18 May 2003
Posts: 1640
Location: fair Verona
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| Posted: 05 Jan 2004 02:37 PM Post subject: |
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| What is worst is when you walk in and there's a guy who doesn't care how much noise or stink he makes. |
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revramrod
IVC Dropout
Joined: 09 Oct 2002
Posts: 1409
Location: Calecia.com
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| Posted: 06 Jan 2004 12:33 AM Post subject: Re: About Toilets |
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| bemisnorris wrote: | | Why don't they make office toilets out of a less echous material? |
You tell me, Bemis. |
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revramrod
IVC Dropout
Joined: 09 Oct 2002
Posts: 1409
Location: Calecia.com
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| Posted: 06 Jan 2004 12:36 AM Post subject: |
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| Ame-ricano wrote: | | What is worst is when you walk in and there's a guy who doesn't care how much noise or stink he makes. |
Ah, an Out-Of-The-Closet Pooper.
Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work
Memorize these definitions, and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
CRACK WHORE
A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. Telltale signs of a CRACK WHORE include pubes, piss stains and shit streaks. Avoid a CRACK WHORE at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget with a good cleaning, a CRACK WHORE can become a SAFE HAVEN.
ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic and embarrassment, similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee; it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
HAVANA OMELET
A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an ESCAPEE. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine-gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic; remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
OUT-OF-THE-CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an OUT-OF-THE-CLOSET POOPER enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the OUT-OF-THE-CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.
POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT-OF-THE-CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.
WATERMELON
A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. |
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spic-ole
Coffee
Joined: 10 Oct 2002
Posts: 1654
Location: UC Calecia
Votes: 1
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| Posted: 06 Jan 2004 03:37 PM Post subject: |
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Damn you Uncle Ted!!!
One thing I've noticed is the older you are, the less you care. It's always the older guys who just lets them rip no matter who's watching. "Hello Mr. President... Oh, excuse me." |
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verbal
Cole
Joined: 24 Oct 2002
Posts: 2466
Location: C-Town
Votes: 9
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| Posted: 06 Jan 2004 06:29 PM Post subject: |
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Man, there's nothing like a Safe Haven. I walk those extra flight of stairs or hit the adjacent building. Whatever it takes to let loose.
I don't understand this 'mof' character. You need to catch up on the news, weather, sports, or the back of hair spray bottle when one takes a Taco Bell dump. It's not like your wiping while you're turning the pages.
All I know is that Denny's restrooms are dangerous. High traffic. Still, one crapper that you will never see me use will be at Hollies. That shit is the worst ever. Porta-potties at the stadium don't count. That's survival. |
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revramrod
IVC Dropout
Joined: 09 Oct 2002
Posts: 1409
Location: Calecia.com
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| Posted: 06 Jan 2004 10:45 PM Post subject: |
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| verbal wrote: | | Porta-potties at the stadium don't count. That's survival. |
If you're unlucky enough to utilize a portapottie while one of us is standing outside, then you're in for one Hell of an adventure. |
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