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realneo
Liberal Arts Major
Joined: 11 Feb 2005
Posts: 1216
  
Votes: 5
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 Posted: 25 Feb 2006 02:36 PM Post subject: Re: Music nerd joke |
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| elchrist wrote: | A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but
we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have
an open fifth between them.
After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An
F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying,
"Excuse me. I'll just be a second."
An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this
relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat
hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the
seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night
in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used
to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're
looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development."
This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and
everything else, and stands there au natural. Eventually, the C sobers
up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.
The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the
diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without
Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even
accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so
patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become
alto much treble, he needs a rest - and closes the bar. |
don't post jokes again |
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realneo
Liberal Arts Major
Joined: 11 Feb 2005
Posts: 1216
Votes: 5
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| Posted: 16 Mar 2006 03:22 PM Post subject: |
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what did the egg say to the boiling water?
it may take a while for me to get hard, i just got laid last night |
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elchrist
See-thru Afro
Joined: 09 Oct 2002
Posts: 7087
Location: Calecia.com
Votes: 13
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| Posted: 16 Mar 2006 03:37 PM Post subject: |
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| realneo wrote: | what did the egg say to the boiling water?
it may take a while for me to get hard, i just got laid last night |
Are you still subscribed to that joke text messaging service on your phone?
If so, you need to cancel that subscription...  |
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realneo
Liberal Arts Major
Joined: 11 Feb 2005
Posts: 1216
Votes: 5
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| Posted: 16 Mar 2006 06:17 PM Post subject: |
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| i'm poor, i don't have a cell phone |
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Bloodstar1
Boot Camp
Joined: 02 Mar 2005
Posts: 349
Location: Calecia Native
Votes: 5
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| Posted: 20 Mar 2006 11:22 AM Post subject: Whatta Dumass!!! |
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A guy was in the line at the supermarket, when he noticed a beautiful
blond woman smiling and waving at him. So he says, "Do I know
you?"
She replies. "I may be mistaken, but I think you may be the father of
one of my children."
Instantly his mind shoots back to the one and only time he had been
unfaithful. "Crap!" he says. "Are you the stripper from my bachelor
party that I had sex with on top of Joe's pool table in front of all my
buddies while your girlfriend spanked me with a wet celery and
stuck a cucumber up my butt?"
"No" she replies quietly. "I'm your daughter's second grade teacher."  |
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ClaudiaStar
Cholo Nako
Joined: 17 Mar 2006
Posts: 31
Location: Denver, Colorado
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| Posted: 27 Mar 2006 12:20 PM Post subject: |
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There was a Mexican and a Japanesee sitting togheter and the Japanesee said "You know, I'm an expert in Judo. See these Hands? They are train to kill"
The Mexican got a big laugh and said "Well, I know Mexican Judo. See this hands? They are trained to kill"
The Japanesee answered "What the hell is Mexican Judo?"
The Mexican told him " yes, its mexican Judo because judo know if I have knife, judo know if I have a gun" |
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Bloodstar1
Boot Camp
Joined: 02 Mar 2005
Posts: 349
Location: Calecia Native
Votes: 5
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| Posted: 27 Apr 2006 10:57 AM Post subject: Mental Patient Joke (Hope no one gets offended) |
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Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental
hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,
Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to
the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the
bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the director of nursing became aware of Edna's
heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the
hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally
stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said,
"Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news
is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally
respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I
have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad
news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom with
the belt to his robe right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but
he's dead."
"Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself; I put him
there to dry. How soon can I go home?" |
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realneo
Liberal Arts Major
Joined: 11 Feb 2005
Posts: 1216
Votes: 5
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| Posted: 06 Jul 2006 02:11 PM Post subject: |
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a father and his kid walk into walmart (gualmar)
they pass by the condom section and the kid asks "what are those"
the father replies "those are for safe sex"
kid says "why do they come in a three pack"
father says "well, that pack is for high school kids, one for friday, one for saturday and one for sunday"
kid says "and what about the six pack"
father says "those are for college kids, two for friday, two for saturday, and two for sunday"
kid says "and what about the twelve pack"
father says "well son, those are for married men, one for january, one for february, .................................................................. |
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Asesino Koolarrow
Boracho
Joined: 20 Mar 2005
Posts: 654
Location: UCSD
Votes: 2
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| Posted: 06 Jul 2006 02:18 PM Post subject: Re: Music nerd joke |
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| realneo wrote: | | elchrist wrote: | A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but
we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have
an open fifth between them.
After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An
F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying,
"Excuse me. I'll just be a second."
An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this
relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat
hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the
seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night
in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used
to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're
looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development."
This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and
everything else, and stands there au natural. Eventually, the C sobers
up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.
The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the
diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without
Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even
accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so
patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become
alto much treble, he needs a rest - and closes the bar. |
don't post jokes again |
hahahaha that shit was way funnier than the actual joke:P |
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Bloodstar1
Boot Camp
Joined: 02 Mar 2005
Posts: 349
Location: Calecia Native
Votes: 5
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| Posted: 21 Aug 2006 10:44 AM Post subject: A blond joke! |
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A married couple were home in bed, when the phone rang at 2:00 AM. The woman (a blond) answered the phone. After listening for a few seconds, the blond said: "How should I know? That's over 100 miles away!"
The husband, being awake, asked: "Who was that?"
The blond wife answered: "Some lady asking if the coast was clear." |
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