Jokes, Baby!

realneo · Posted: 13 Sep 2005 06:47 PM Post subject:

what's this Thumbs Down

this

, but dead

elchrist · Posted: 13 Sep 2005 06:49 PM Post subject:

realneo · Posted: 14 Sep 2005 08:39 PM Post subject:

Bloodstar1 · Posted: 22 Sep 2005 09:58 AM Post subject: The Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an Indian war party. The
Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest
Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will
grant you three requests. What is your first request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." Chief nods
and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear,
and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns
with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches,
the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next
morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two
days. What is your second request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.
Silver is brought to him and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As
before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time
with a voluptuous brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters
the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a
man of talent, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your last
request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone
Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him
square in the eye and says,
"Listen carefully dumb-ass, I said "BRING POSSE!"

Bloodstar1 · Posted: 28 Sep 2005 11:40 AM Post subject: The Cabbie:

A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi
at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he
asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was
having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the
cabby agreed.

Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the
bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back
and there was his wife in bed with another man.

The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, "Don't
do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I
inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for
our new cabin cruiser. He paid for your season Green Bay Packer Tickets.
He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club
membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!"

Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun.
He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?"

The cabby said, "I'd cover his ass up with that blanket before he
catches a cold."

realneo · Posted: 28 Sep 2005 10:02 PM Post subject:

a mama duck, a baby duck, a mama skunk, and a baby skunk are walking by the highway
the mama duck crosses first and BAM, a truck hits her
the baby duck begins to cry.
why are you crying asks the baby skunk
because my mama just died and i don't know what i am
well, you got a beak, wings, and funny ass little feet, so you must be a duck, says the baby skunk
yeah yeah yeah I'm a duck cries the baby duck
so the mama skunk tries to cross the street and BAM, a car hits her
the baby skunk begins to cry.
now why are you crying asks the baby duck
because my mama just died and I don't know what I am
the baby duck responds, well you're not all black, you're not all white and you stink like shit, you must be a MEXICAN

Bloodstar1 · Posted: 06 Oct 2005 10:02 AM Post subject: Man's best friend: The Frog???

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.

"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs!"

"Blowjobs!" the woman replied.

"It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no more blowjobs for her! She bought the frog.

When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.

"What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.

The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is gone!"

realneo · Posted: 21 Oct 2005 04:08 PM Post subject:

what's the difference between a Cuban and a Puerto Rican

that's right, absolutely nothing

elchrist · Posted: 26 Oct 2005 04:55 AM Post subject:

realneo · Posted: 26 Oct 2005 02:17 PM Post subject: